Dear Grandma,

 I miss you. Just the thought of you as in this world. Oh, Grandma, I am so sorry I did not make the trip to see you last winter. Somehow, I thought you always would be here. I am so grateful that you had a long, healthy life and that your passing was quick and without pain. My heart breaks and I can only sing the song of you to the world.

Thank you for loving me- loving us all (and what a large collection of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren crowded around you!). In my mind, I can see you so clearly as you stand outside waving and blowing kisses. I am a child sitting in the back seat of the car, loving you and those kisses.

Margaret- my Grandma- I honor you for your life and your love- for your secrets that you kept so close (may you be relieved of them)- for the joy you found in life- and for the pain that came with it. I love you!

Your granddaughter.

Dear Aspen,

Hello, my friend, I miss you. It has been three years since you passed on and everyday I sense you in the leaves of the trees and the touch of the breeze.

I honor you for the friendship you gave so freely and so well. I honor you for your amazing skill and relationship with plants- you knew them and they knew you. I honor you for how much you loved life- how you got in and got dirty and lapped up life with gusto. I honor you for your mind which was bright and sharp. I honor you for the love you gave to your children and your pets.

Those were magical days with you in the desert and in the greenhouse. Thank you for showing me so much. Thank you for your laughter which was a joy. Oh, those seed collecting trips in the Autumn! What fun! What beauty! I miss you.

Your friend.

This morning I had a couple very vivid dreams- or maybe it was just one long one.

I was traveling by myself in an airplane and as I was walking back to my seat through a totally empty first class bar(?!), the plane began to plummet to the earth. I was almost thrown upside down and ended up in a fetal position on the wall. Somehow, I could see the earth quickly coming closer and closer. I lay there forcing myself to think about my daughters and how much I love them. There was no noise as I waited for the impact. Somehow the plane landed safely.

Next I am at my parent's house and I am talking to my Dad, who is walking and talking fine- his old pre-Parkinson's self. He says he thinks it is time that he shows me something. He takes me to the top floor of the house and shows me a secret attic. There is no ladder, so he gives me a boost up. It is a bright, sunny place- clean and furnished with desks and a couch and a bed. There are many cabinets- neatly organized with clothing, maps, books, papers all from my Grandparents. I vividly remember holding a tiny, black shoe which I believed to be my Grandma's- my Dad's Mom who just passed away this past year.

I would love to hear any insights that anyone might have on this dream. I feel like I have some spiritual matters to attend to and I am not sure when or how I will do it.

Blessings to you all.

This week has been a stressful one for me- graduate school stuff. It's too bad, as this last semester is putting a bad taste in my mouth after a very enjoyable couple years.

Music has been the saving grace this week. Nothing like some great music to help me write. Also, I must say, being able to write at the lovely library where I'm doing my practicum is a real treat. Sigh. I just love libraries. Academic libraries are particularly sweet- just yesterday I was looking through Wired mag and Vanity Fair from the 1870s!

My daughters have been a saving grace this week, too. Once, when I was to the point of tears with utter frustration, my three year old started singing "Zip-ity-do-da!". How could I stay sad?

Last  night, as the girls and my hubby and I stood outside looking at the moon, I felt a wonderful rush of peace. Hard work is good.

                              Hi, Lucy----->

Last weekend my older daughter and I decorated candles- here is one (above)- the lady in our handsome couple. I start out with a plain white candle in a glass jar- I get them in the supermarket in the Mexican food section. Then we printed out some pics we liked off the net. Next we colored them with crayons- you need something waxy. Then I painted them all over with coffee- it gives it a texture and gives it an aged look. Next, I took some purple ink and painted them all over with the purple ink. Gives them a rich, creepy look.

~Today I want to kiss a frog

~Today I want to slide into a cold montain river and ride in her arms

~Today I want to walk a tightrope blindfolded

~Today I want to meet you again and kiss you like I have always wanted to

~Today I want to go to a live show and dance while the drums shoot up through my feet

~Today I want to go hang gliding with the raven

~Today I want to place my naked heart before a feirce goddess.

I will not do any of them. Maybe the first. If I find a frog today, I will kiss it.